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Saturday, April 7, 2012

Lay Low, Baby Please

When the dawn is breaking, breaking
All of those truths that you behold
In the quiet of your aching
Baby please, lay low, baby please

When walking the garden you learn
To see the fruit you want, go slow
Waiting for sweetness to return
Baby please, lay low, baby please

When you search your heart and a friend
Appears advising how to grow
Your invention to rise again
Baby please, lay low, baby please

When the dawn is breaking, breaking
Baby please, lay low, baby please


A poetry prompt from:
the imaginary garden with real toads
A partially unrhymed Kyrielle Sonnet with rhyming pattern: axaR, bxbR, cxcR with R being the repeated line.

12 comments:

  1. So well done! I especially love "when the dawn is breaking, breaking".

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  2. I like that you have chosen the rhyme scheme to best suit your style: just enough musicality, and an end couplet with power to carry though the overall message.

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    1. Thank you for commenting, Kerry :)

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  3. Oh wow...read it twice and it just sings to me!

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    1. I'm so glad! :) Thank you so much for reading and commenting, MM!

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  4. The first stanza is very powerful, and pulls one into the song, which becomes more layered and yet still carries the same sweetness in the refrain--the 'please' is a huge factor in carrying this beauty of phrase, I think. Fine writing, and an excellent take on the prompt, but also an excellent poem its own right.

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    1. Thank you so much for a very thoughtful message, Joy. I've really been enjoying your blog and your perspectives on poetry!

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  5. Very nice attempt at this challenging form. The repetition of the last two lines is a good way to end this ~

    Nice to meet you at Real Toads ~

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    1. Thank you, Heaven, and nice to meet you too! :)

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  6. gosh, this is lovely, i can imagine singing it as a lullaby.

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