I guess this is what happens when you don't drink wine for months on end

Something just happened that I wish had been recorded, a lesson on how NOT to open a bottle of wine. The wine shop threw in a free wine opener since my apartment doesn't have one, so I screwed it into the cork, but the cork wouldn't budge. After about 20 minutes of messing with it, the cork budged a teensie bit, and then a teensie more, and then I had to break off the cork as it was very old and dry and there was no more budging. So then I took a butter knife and tried to pry the cork out, and it came out a bit and then I broke off a little more. So then I said forget this, and started jamming the rest of the cork down into the bottle with the butter knife. I pounded and pounded and then all of a sudden a massive spray of red wine spewed out of the bottle and into my eyes, face, hair, arms, shirt, pants, socks, kitchen floor, kitchen walls, and somehow out the kitchen door and into the living room! As the wine was stinging my eyeballs I couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity. Happy April Fools Day to me! (I'm now really thankful for the mold splotches on my kitchen wall, because no one will ever notice the wine spray when I move out.) Ok, now time to pick all the cork pieces out of this glass of wine, and celebrate!