Chinglish T-Shirts

I went shopping last month and couldn't resist buying this t-shirt...



Actually, I'm wearing it right now as I type this (I only wear it in the privacy of my home). And yes, you are reading correctly. The shirt says "SYSTEM OF A 520cc" "WHEN SOME BODY ANNYS YOU BUT IT ONLY TAKES8 MUSCUES"

What reminded me to post this gem was this post over at the talesfromhebei blog. She's an expat in a province in northern China. You have got to see the photos she took. Too funny.

Six Months

As I sit down to write this, it has been exactly six months to the hour that I boarded a plane to leave behind my life in the states.

I know that I'm not quite ready to write about the events, thoughts and emotions that led up to making the decision to leave. I think about it often, and it all seems so simple sometimes and so complex at other times, that I don't think any amount of writing about it will ever feel right. The whole thing is slowly becoming one of those things that's like a secret little gift to myself.

No longer in my twenties, I sometimes feel like I've done this a bit late in my life. And most times I feel so thankful I did it when I did. I talked myself out of it with countless excuses for over ten years. Looking back at those ten years, they were pretty freaking amazing. I'll save that for another post.

I have had a lot of uninterrupted time with myself these past six months, very few distractions, and a whole lot of insights gained, and lots more to come I'm sure.

You know how we go through life already carrying a big 'ol suitcase of idioms, cliches and just all-around cultural and social tidbits that are just generally accepted? And so we say yeah, yeah, yeah I know, I know. But then something happens, like a frying pan against the skull, where you think OK, I thought I knew it then, but I really know it now.

Or it's like wearing a raincoat made of all that stuff, and you can feel the weight of the rain against the coat to let you know something's happening, but you're still shielded from it by that nice slick coat. But in your guts you know how good a rain storm against your skin will feel, but you keep wearing that coat. Until one rainy day...

Anyway, the number one thing I'm taking away from these last six months, is I'm never again ignoring my guts. They know more than my brains ever did or ever will.

Why Don't We Just Dance

Speaking of two-steppin', this is one of my favorites to dance to...



Tell me you don't love this song. Dare ya.

Grave of the Fireflies

On this extremely gloomy, rainy afternoon, I thought hey, what better way to spend it than lounging around indoors watching the saddest movie of all time. Ok maybe not the saddest of all time, but damn. Here's a trailer for Grave of the Fireflies, "A tragic film covering a young boy and his little sister's struggle to survive in Japan during World War II"...



Another reminder of what a relatively easy, pain-free life I've been fortunate to live.

Creature in My Ceiling

There's an unidentified creature living in my bathroom ceiling.

I started hearing strange noises up there last week. It sounds as if something is scurrying as soon as it hears me approach the bathroom door. Sometimes it sounds thumpy, sometimes scurry-y, and allthetimes creepy.

I haven't shared too many of the creepy bug experiences I've had living here in this apartment on my blog, just Facebook mostly. And so far I've only had to come face to face with huge flying cockroaches (or "cockmonsters" as my good friend coined them), a friendly little gecko (who passed away recently), and swarms upon swarms of ants that I've so bravely battled with my detachable shower head.

But this creature in the ceiling is both less creepy AND more creepy than the other creatures named above, precisely because it is unidentified.

Less creepy because I have an amazing sense of out-of-sight-out-of-mindedness (that's my positive spin on my terrible short-term memory anyway)...

And more creepy because I don't know what exactly is lurking up there, waiting to pounce on my head as soon as I sit on the toilet below.

My bathroom walls/ceiling is creepy in itself. It's a bunch of broken ceramic tile meeting a bunch of broken ceiling tile, with big gaping holes leading to the creepy darkness above. Don't get me wrong, not a day goes by where I'm not consciously thanking the universe for my current situation -- living rent-free in a new country -- but this bathroom is not my favorite place to hang out.





At the risk of sounding completely insane to my neighbors who may be listening, I have started yelling into the bathroom as I approach it, because the creature seems to scurry at the sound of my voice. And I would much rather it scurry before I actually enter the bathroom and have a seat...

"HELLOOOOO, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?!"

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS SITUATION!"

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS, JUST GO AWAY ALREADY!"

"THIS CAN'T BE ALL THAT FUN FOR YOU EITHER."

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!"

"I'LL PAY YOU TEN MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU GO AWAY, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHERE THE MONEY CAME FROM!"

I've yelled much stranger things at my ceiling but I think this is plenty enough to share.

Winds of the Wasteland

It's been especially rainy here in Haikou these past few days, so what better excuse to live it up on a Saturday night by staying in and watching an old black-and-white western?

Sometimes I wonder whether I truly am a 34 year old woman, or a 75 year old man.

This preview, in all its hilarity and awesomeness, is in color...



You can watch the entire 55-minute movie on Hulu or on YouTube.

I'm really starting to love old westerns. I guess I've always had a soft spot in my heart for anything to do with cowboys, the old west, the pioneering spirit, cowboy songs and poetry, sitting around campfires, and I suppose loving camping and playing the harmonica sort of goes hand in hand with all that. In hindsight it's no wonder I ventured west to California at 18 and then finally after several years found my way to live in Colorado for a spell. (spell, hee hee)

Maybe I'm turning into my grandparents and parents. My mom's mom played harmonica, my dad played (still plays? I'll have to ask) harmonica and loves western novels and movies, and we all grew up camping. One of my favorite things in the entire world is when my Aunt Rhonda would play her guitar and sing Me and Bobby McGee around the campfire. Which probably led in part to my love of (obsession with?) folk music.

In one lifetime I'm sure I was a cowboy, and in another a beatnik. Living in Colorado got me reconnected with my love of cowboy boots and country music (sshhh) ... I even learned how to 2-step, and friends and I went two-steppin' quite often. Someday I'm going to write an ultra-cheesy memoir about all of these different lifetimes.

I wonder if it's ok to title it Winds of the Wasteland? For some reason I really like that title.

Beware of octostarfish, great white eels, and mantajellyrays!

I had an embarrassing brain fart this week. One of my 6yr-old students walked up to me one morning waving a piece of paper very excitedly to show me her drawings. They were really good drawings of a bunch of fish and other sea animals. One of them was particularly good, and I pointed to it and was about to say what it was, but completely blanked…so I said "ooh this is a beautiful sea...uhhh"... "sea dragon!" (what?!) She gave me a really confused look, looked me square in the eyes and said matter-of-factly..."seahorse". How could I have blanked on seahorse??! What the hell is a sea dragon?! And my CHINESE student had to correct MY English. How embarrassing. I get the worst ESL teacher in the world award.

Planning my Summer 2012 vacation

I think I'm starting to wrap my head around the idea of living a teacher's schedule for the next however-many-years. I've never really planned for vacations before, having worked in very busy and deadliney business and IT jobs for so many years, so I'm going to take a stab at planning a long vacation for this Summer break.

Until now, I think the longest vacation I've ever taken has been about 10 days, and those 10 days sure did seem luxurious. I was just informed that I will have about 6 weeks off from mid-July until end of August. WHAT?! Six weeks?? ::faint::

Here is my very tentative plan:

Beijing, China
Phnom Penh, Cambodia
Battambang, Cambodia
Siem Reap, Cambodia
Don Det, Laos
Kratie, Cambodia

Here's an overview snapshot of the Cambodia/Laos part of the trip, which is basically one big loop...



I currently live in Haikou, Hainan Province, China... way up there in the upper righthand corner of the map. It's an island and is the southernmost province in China.

Express Train from Haikou to Beijing to visit a long-time friend. I have been promising my friend that I will visit for the past 4-ish years since he moved there from the US, and this is the perfect opportunity. I'm finally in China! If this Summer doesn't work out, maybe I can head up there for Spring Festival in January during the other school break. I would like to try the express train instead of flying. Yes it will be uncomfortable and smelly, and no doubt my feet will get spit on and I may even get bucket-o-noodles spilled on me, but it's part of the adventure. I love trains, and I'll get a superfast 31-hour tour of China from wayyy south to wayyy north via little train window. And I've done so much flying over the past couple of years for work that I'm looking forward to other modes of transportation.

Fly from Beijing to Phnom Penh and probably stay the night. May not have time to see much of the city. It's funny how things work out, as this was the first place I researched teaching ESL until deciding to job hunt in China. It'll be nice to catch a glimpse and feel of the city to see if I may like it for future living/teaching gigs.

Bus from Phnom Penh to Battambang to attend a 10-day Vipassana meditation course. I've been wanting to do this for a couple of years now, and am excited for it to become a reality. Ten hours of meditation a day for ten days, while observing a 'noble silence' which means no speaking or communication of any type. No computers, cell phones, writing journals, no distractions of any kind. This is the main purpose of the trip to Cambodia.

Bus from Battambang to Siem Reap to visit the Angkor temples. I am choosing to visit the temples after the meditation course instead of before, since I think it will be a very special way to end the course, spending two days exploring these amazing temples and the surrounding nature.

Bus from Siem Reap to the Laotian border and then hop a boat to Don Det, Laos. Don Det is part of the Si Phan Don (The 4000 Islands), a riverine archipelago located in the Mekong River. It's a very chill place to lay in hammocks for maybe 5-6 days while exploring the surrounding islands and scenery by foot and bicycle. Apparently the largest waterfall in Southeast Asia is within a 45 minute bike ride of Don Det. Can't wait. I was originally thinking of spending the chill time in Sihanoukville, Cambodia, which is supposed to be a pretty great place to relax, but maybe I'll save that for a future trip. After reading a lot of reviews it seems to be more touristy and more of a backpacker party hangout than Don Det. But who knows...after 100 hours of meditation and complete silence, maybe I'll be ready to party with some crazy backpackers. This may be a game-day decision.

Boat ride from Don Det, Laos to Kratie, Cambodia down the Mekong River, which is probably as far as I should attempt to travel in a day. I keep reading that the full trip from Don Det to Phnom Penh is aggressive for a single day, so breaking it into two days by staying in Kratie is the smart way to go. Boating down the Mekong, what?! Doesn't sound quite real yet.

Bus from Kratie to Phnom Penh to catch a flight back to Haikou. Again, I doubt this leaves much time to explore Phnom Penh, but we'll see.

This leaves roughly 2 days to settle back in Haikou before going back to work. That first week back to work isn't really 'work' since all of us teachers arrive a week before the students to just sort of get classrooms ready, so I don't feel the need to allow too much chill-at-home time at the end of the trip.

So that's the tentative plan for now. Vacation starts a month from today! I've never really been a big planner. I really like this rough outline, but will probably leave plenty of room for spontaneity. This is all too surreal. Really feeling extremely fortunate lately, for...life.

Spokey Dokey

Something to aspire to...



This is one of the best songs from one of the best soundtracks from one of the best movies of all time. And someone was awesome enough to tab this out!

What a gas!

Days like today make me laugh remembering my previous jobs as software consultant, having meetings with bigwigs, dressing fancy and talking fancy.....

when the highlights of my workday today were getting to color a picture of grapes with a purple crayon, and a little boy farting in my face...intentionally. I couldn't stop laughing (I don't think I have a 'discipline' bone in my body).

I suppose I was asking for it...

Some of the kids were still getting changed into clean clothes after their morning exercise and play time out on the playground. One of my 6-yr-olds, Peter, came up to me before class started as I was sitting talking with the Chinese English teacher, and he had his shirt off and started laughing and waving it in front of my face, because he's a goofball like that. And I made a silly face, waved my hand in front of my nose and said "whoo! smelly!" because it was his playground shirt and I was teasing him all in good fun.

He cracked up laughing and then gave me a look that seemed to say, "If you think THAT'S smelly, check this!..."

And then he turned around, bent over, and farted. And because I was already sitting in one of the tiny kindergarten chairs, his butt was right at face level, not even a foot away.

First of all, why is it that kids can magically fart at will?

And secondly, why do I still laugh at such things??

I feel like I'm a decent teacher and try to be a decent mentor... but 'mature role model'? Guess I need to work on that. :)